Ben Joseph

My sophomore year at NYU, I was pretty in love with a girl who...

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 18:26:00 -0500

My sophomore year at NYU, I was pretty in love with a girl who lived on my floor. She was competition-level gorgeous, blonde, and Southern - all weaknesses of mine when it comes to the fairer sex. I don’t want to embarass her, so we’ll call her Brittany. (Her real name - tricky, huh?)

She claimed a long distance relationship with a wide receiver at a large, southern school with, disgustingly enough, both a Division I football team and a solid academic reputation. This could have been a fabrication to ward off the inevitable advances of every boy in the dorm (I didn’t say my weaknesses were unique), but it worked. My interactions with Brittany were polite, friendly, and infrequent. There were plenty of opportunities to make a fool of myself (drunkenly, soberly, or otherwise), but I managed to avoid them.

What I’m trying to say here, Facebook, is please take one baby step back from my life. If you could at least change the algorithm so this “suggestion” feature doesn’t display the same damn person every time I log in, I would really, really appreciate it. For personal reasons.

This is what happens when you brag about cleaning out your inbox...

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:22:00 -0500

This is what happens when you brag about cleaning out your inbox at 4:30pm on a Friday.

UPDATE: Sarah wins.

"Good, bad. I’m the guy with the gun."

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 13:02:00 -0500

“Good, bad. I’m the guy with the gun.”

- Army of Darkness is today’s entry in the AV Club’s recurring series, The New Cult Canon.

DUDE! Congratulations!!

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 19:29:21 -0500

DUDE! Congratulations!!

I recently wrote a short post concerning the Mos Eisley cantina...

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 12:31:00 -0500

I recently wrote a short post concerning the Mos Eisley cantina scene in the original Star Wars. The article’s nothing special. The comment thread it spawned is. Get ‘em, Murph!

Hey, 757, I’m home in a week, tropical storm or otherwise....

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 20:01:54 -0500

Hey, 757, I’m home in a week, tropical storm or otherwise. Best to get your shit straightened out before then, K?

RIP Dan Gurewitch. If it trends in Twitter, it must be true. He...

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 19:55:00 -0500

RIP Dan Gurewitch. If it trends in Twitter, it must be true. He will be missed.

Just to clarify this post, I am way more pissed about the rental car thing. I think it’s...

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 11:06:00 -0500

Just to clarify this post, I am way more pissed about the rental car thing. I think it’s awesome 19-year-olds get to drive tanks. The real injustice is that I have to pay an extra $75 a day to rent a PT Cruiser. If you mistook me for a morally conscious or selfless person, I apologize.

"Sometimes adulthood is set inconsistently for pragmatic reasons. Maybe we accept that 19-year-olds..."

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 09:54:46 -0500

“Sometimes adulthood is set inconsistently for pragmatic reasons. Maybe we accept that 19-year-olds are not yet fully responsible adults for the purpose of driving a rental car, but hey, we still need someone to drive our tanks in Afghanistan.”

- NY Times - “How Old Is Old Enough?”

Spell-check fail.

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 17:55:54 -0500

Spell-check fail.

stevecozz: Written and Directed by me….Starring Jordan and the...

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 17:31:45 -0500

stevecozz:

Written and Directed by me….Starring Jordan and the Fairfield Falcons. Shot by Bennett, produced by my friends Rishi and Alan.

It’s rare that such a hard-working, reliable guy is also super-talented. Enjoy.

Want to be a CollegeHumor production intern?

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 20:54:58 -0500

Want to be a CollegeHumor production intern?

“The Seven Minute Rule”, written by Raphael. If...

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 20:28:00 -0500

“The Seven Minute Rule”, written by Raphael. If you’re in a relationship, you need to read this. If you’re single, even moreso.

samreich: “Saw Shaming,” directed by me. Also written by Amir,...

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 16:37:05 -0500

samreich:

“Saw Shaming,” directed by me. Also written by Amir, produced by Ben, shot by Vince, and edited by Mike. It was fun and challenging trying to replicate the “Saw” aesthetic. Digg it.

I guarantee this is better than Saw IV through VIII. But not part IX. They’re really going to pull their shit together for that one.

Above: My very most favorite part of Owen’s new Photoshop...

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 15:16:52 -0500

Above: My very most favorite part of Owen’s new Photoshop Filters article.

Below: The conversation that resulted from it.

me: OH NO STARFISH? QUESTION SHOW
this is our ticket to the top
get CBS on the phone
Owen: The trick is that there’s no way to win the penalty games
me: haha
Owen: That’s the hook
me: the japanese have a grasp of the subtleties of television programming that we will never understand
Owen: It’s their kinship with nature and the sea
me: also tentacle sex

floraflora: We made this thank you video for our wedding (see...

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 00:01:24 -0500

floraflora:

We made this thank you video for our wedding (see my vimeo here)

Just found this on Vimeo. I’ve known Jamie and Irene since my freshman year of college, when they started dating. They just got married this summer. If you know a more adorable/perfect couple, you’re lying.

Important Work Documents, Part III in a continuing series.

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 17:51:54 -0500

Important Work Documents, Part III in a continuing series.

Also featuring: Jon Stewart, ’90s victim. These stills are...

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 21:50:00 -0500

Also featuring: Jon Stewart, ’90s victim.

These stills are from Carlin’s Mark Twain Prize, a PBS awards show EP’d by my old boss, the infamous Mr. Mark Krantz.

George Carlin? You can either date this picture as “on the...

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 21:44:27 -0500

George Carlin?

You can either date this picture as “on the Jimmy Durante Show in 1966” or “two years before he met his weed guy.”

Bizzaro Ben, also known as “Not-So-Implausible...

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 21:10:15 -0400

Bizzaro Ben, also known as “Not-So-Implausible Ben”.

In any case, let it be known that the first suit I ever owned not only cost $40, it was for a Halloween costume.