When you watch too many movies, you start to make observations that nobody else would (or should) ever make. You get so far down the rabbit hole that you make little connections that amuse absolutely nobody except yourself and don’t merit recording on even the most ephemeral of media. Thank God the Internet exists.
In Contraband, Mark Wahlberg is a really good criminal who went legit but must do his crime thing one more time to save a younger relative who is in serious, serious trouble because he attempted said crime thing and failed. This is an incredibly stock plot trotted out mainly because Mark Wahlberg looks really dynamic when he punches people, but that’s not my point. My point is that the evil criminal threatening his younger relative is an especially greasy-looking Giovanni Ribisi. Two immediate thoughts:
1.) Giovanni Ribisi should really be more understanding, considering the exact same thing happened to him in Gone in Sixty Seconds, except Mark Wahlberg was Nicolas Cage and hey remember Angelina Jolie’s white dreads man those were crazy.
2.) Wait! What if Contraband is actually a secret sequel to Gone In Sixty Seconds, and Giovanni Ribisi, in a cruel twist of fate, grew up to be the very thing he hated? And Nicolas Cage makes a third act appearance saving Ribisi from a life of crime in exactly the same way Wahlberg is saving his younger relative? And then they just kind of nod at each other like, “Younger relatives, am I right?” WHAT IF THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS?
3.) That’s probably what happens, right?
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