My sophomore year at NYU, I was pretty in love with a girl who lived on my floor. She was competition-level gorgeous, blonde, and Southern - all weaknesses of mine when it comes to the fairer sex. I don’t want to embarass her, so we’ll call her Brittany. (Her real name - tricky, huh?)
She claimed a long distance relationship with a wide receiver at a large, southern school with, disgustingly enough, both a Division I football team and a solid academic reputation. This could have been a fabrication to ward off the inevitable advances of every boy in the dorm (I didn’t say my weaknesses were unique), but it worked. My interactions with Brittany were polite, friendly, and infrequent. There were plenty of opportunities to make a fool of myself (drunkenly, soberly, or otherwise), but I managed to avoid them.
What I’m trying to say here, Facebook, is please take one baby step back from my life. If you could at least change the algorithm so this “suggestion” feature doesn’t display the same damn person every time I log in, I would really, really appreciate it. For personal reasons.
This is what happens when you brag about cleaning out your inbox at 4:30pm on a Friday.
UPDATE: Sarah wins.
Good, bad. I’m the guy with the gun.
— Army of Darkness is today’s entry in the AV Club’s recurring series, The New Cult Canon.
DUDE! Congratulations!!
I recently wrote a short post concerning the Mos Eisley cantina scene in the original Star Wars. The article’s nothing special. The comment thread it spawned is. Get ‘em, Murph!
Hey, 757, I’m home in a week, tropical storm or otherwise. Best to get your shit straightened out before then, K?
RIP Dan Gurewitch. If it trends in Twitter, it must be true. He will be missed.
Just to clarify this post, I am way more pissed about the rental car thing. I think it’s awesome 19-year-olds get to drive tanks. The real injustice is that I have to pay an extra $75 a day to rent a PT Cruiser. If you mistook me for a morally conscious or selfless person, I apologize.
Sometimes adulthood is set inconsistently for pragmatic reasons. Maybe we accept that 19-year-olds are not yet fully responsible adults for the purpose of driving a rental car, but hey, we still need someone to drive our tanks in Afghanistan.
Spell-check fail.
← Previous
